Katie Strumpf
"Helping kids with cancer.......a cancer survivor's story"  

Giving Thanks

"Think of one person you are thankful for on this day of thanks."

One of my favorite yoga instructors, Jess, said this in the morning yoga class last Thursday.

My mind immediately went to Adam, for he was truly the best person I have ever known.

But that is the difficult part, he was. He was a person, and now he is gone.

Therein lies the most chilling reality.

Yet, I still found myself thankful, thankful for Adam coming into my life and falling in love with me. I am thankful for the love shared, I know our connection and the depth of our love was rare. I loved before Adam, but never to the extent that I loved him. As more time passes, I have a greater appreciation and thanks for this love.

I hear others complain about their significant others, their gripes, and frustrations. This is not to say I was never frustrated with Adam, because of course I was at times. (There is no way he was never frustrated with me, either!) However, I realize more and more since his passing that we truly had something rare, incredibly special, and unique.

Which is why I felt sad the other day when I couldn't remember what kind of milk he liked in his cereal. Not that it matters anymore, but I wanted to remember.

I am thankful for Adam, because he truly showed me what love is, and how a relationship should be. I feel so grateful to have experienced this depth of love so young in life, and this shapes me as I move forward. I of course don't expect the next man I fall in love with to be the same as Adam, that would be unfair and unrealistic. But, I know the caliber of relationship I will want, the kind of partner I will want to be, when I am ready.

I reflected on last year's Thanksgiving, which was just a few months after Adam's passing. I also went to a yoga class, where I had to lay my face down on the mat because I was crying.

Later that afternoon, I moved my wedding band and engagement ring to my right hand. I wasn't ready to let them go completely.

I almost didn't go to our family friend's Thanksgiving dinner, because I was so upset and could not stop crying.

But, I went. I barely remember being there.

This Thanksgiving, I was in a new city, live in a new place, have a new life. I no longer wear a wedding band or engagement ring, yet a part of me will always be Adam's wife.

For this I am thankful.

 

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Posted by Katie Strumpf at 2:14 PM on November 30, 2011 | Comments (0)



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